I should probably into myself here and give a little back story. I am gamer/tracerfire/swk and I live in Los Angeles.
For the first 17 years of my life it was my defense mechanism to just shut up and not to talk to anyone.
As that situation ended I was unable to make friends or, even worse, get a girlfriend. Most guys get their girlfriends from their social circle, and I, in addition to being shy and scared of the world had no social circle in which to draw from. All my life I was forced into solitude even from my own family. I had to do everything alone. In short, I had no social life.
If you ever watch video's of monkey's who have been deprived of socialization you will see some strange behavior. They will be anxious, erratic, they will begin pulling their hair out and become extremely depressed. Human beings are the same way, we are not made to be alone. Its in our genes, the need to meet new people and grow.
Thats why I was desperate. My whole life I was pretty much alone, I didn't want to waste any more of it that way. At the end of the ordeal I actually started talking to statues or myself just so I would have someone to talk too. I went to bed every night, crying and wondering how guy's who didn't respect women had a harem to sleep with and I, who really only wanted someone to hold and kiss and watch movies with and cook for, had no one.
Needless to say that is why I am on this journey. I am not going to whine, bitch or moan about how unfair my childhood was or how it fucked me up. Its done. All I can do is better myself so maybe, just maybe, when I meet a girl I really want to be with I might just stand a chance.
