The worst feeling I can remember involves a woman. It was right after I was disqualified from West Point by a group called DODMERB, the Department of Medical Examination Review Board, who said that my injuries made me unable to fulfill my obligation as a soldier.
I was fairly depressed, but there was one female cadet at the Prep School, where I was stationed, who seemed to like me. We talked, flirted, and seemed to get along great. I spent extra time after work talking to her even though it was forbidden.
Around Easter, she and her mom were in town, and she invited me to go out to New York with them. It was finally my chance to really shine. No restrictions, just us plus her mom. To get things going, I made an Easter basket which had things like lotions and skin care products, some various candies which I put into Easter eggs, and a final piece where it was all wrapped up to look really pretty.
When I met her and her mom, I gave her the package. She liked it and so did her mom. After spending time together, an entire day, I made my move at Central Park. And.... rejection. What I saw in her eyes shook me to my core. She had never even considered me as a potential boyfriend or lover, the idea was LAUGHABLE to her.
There's a unique pain that went with this, because I couldn't crawl under a rock and die like I wanted to. I had to pretend to be unhurt and unmoved by something that essentially stung more than any other experience I've had in life.
When I got home, I just stayed in my room for a week straight. The emotion was a combination of complete humiliation, rejection, self-loathing, anger, and bitterness. I've had teeth knocked out, bones broken, I've been stabbed, but I'd gladly let anyone break any bone they want in my body than ever feel that pain again.
Comments
No Comments
Post a Comment
You must be a member to post a comment. Please sign in.