VH1 Pickup Artist 2 Casting

I'm sure all of you who were interested in my next video were a bit disappointed not to hear an actual story. Honestly, I don't really have all that many, at least not any exciting ones or ones that can be condensed into 60 seconds, and definitely not any involving dating because I either fail miserably or don't bother trying. But really, if I do get on the show, it may possibly be the greatest thing that has happened in my life and will definitely begin a new change.

So here's the story that I wanted to put to video but definitely couldn't cut down to 60 seconds. And with the time constraints coming down to the wire, I won't be able to put it to video at all, not that I really wanted to as it's a bit depressing and I want to try to keep my videos as lighthearted as possible, despite me still being a tad bit uncomfortable behind the camera.

Anyways, I come from a small town about an hour away from Toledo, where I live now, and have lived there for the majority of my life. The whole time, I've wanted to get out as its never been a place for a guy like me to stay. Of course, it seems like everyone I went to high school with left soon after graduation while I stayed behind for a few more years as I lived with my parents, worked at a grocery store and finished up getting my Associate's Degree in Network Administration at the local Community College. That proved to be a mistake as pretty much everyone in or around my age was gone, leaving me with no one left to talk or relate to (not that I had many to begin with) and, much worse, no chances for success unless I wanted to be a farmer or a truck driver.

That was until one of my friends moved up to Toledo. Soon enough, that became my goal. It took longer than expected but I finally made it. I almost broke down, quit my job and moved out just because I hated that town so much but I lucked into a job and was able to move. I hopped between a couple jobs but I finally settled on one I enjoyed, working at another store, even if I was making less money than before.

So it's been almost a year since I moved out and I realized that my life really hasn't changed all that much. Sure, I'm out of my parents' house and moved in with a few friends but things for the most part have stayed the same. I'm still working a part-time job, even though I'm almost 25, because the job market out here is just as bad because every tech job wants someone with experience, yet no one is willing to give me any. My Associate's Degree is collecting dust and I've even gone so far as to put my autographed picture of Adam West in front of it in the frame. Worse yet, I haven't been able to attract any girls. Back home, if I wanted to pick up a girl, my only option was to go to one of two bars and hope one was drunk enough. Since that's not my style, I've never done it. Now, if I want to pick up a girl, I just have more bars to choose from. That's pretty much all. The only time I'm around beautiful girls is at work, but most of them are too young for me and I don't want to feel like the creepy old guy, even if I already do, despite there only being a few years' difference. They're all pretty much out of my league anyways.

I've been thinking about where my life is going and I can't say that I have a positive outlook on it. Unless I luck into a job in the tech field and finally put my degree to good use, I'll probably be working part-time for a while yet. If I do find a girl, it won't be because she's attracted to me, it's because I know I can't do any better. I've told myself that I'd rather stay alone than settle for less than I believe I deserve but sometimes I'm not so sure I can do it.

Seriously, I'm almost 25 and it's time for me to "grow up". Some of my high school friends are getting married and having kids already. I don't even see myself getting married in the next 5 years, let alone having kids. That's how behind I feel behind everyone else socially. I still feel like a 16 year old who's never gotten to develop emotionally. As I've said before, I still feel like that high school loser that wonders why girls don't notice him, no matter what I do.

Really, that's why I want to be on the show. Being on TV would be fun and the prize money would be nice but I'm not even thinking about the money. What I'm thinking about is the chance for me to finally learn the skills necessary to get ahead in life, not just with women. If I don't get the chance to do that, then I'll just keep living my life as I'm doing now, and I'm not quite sure if that's a life worth living.

I'm not going to tell you how I'm better than all these other guys, because I might not be. I just want to be better than I am now. And I truly and honestly believe that being on this show is the only way I can achieve that.

So after uploading, waiting, realizing that it wasn't approved for some reason, re-uploading and waiting some more, my video is finally up! I hope you all like it but I plan to have more coming, hopefully as soon as this weekend. Honestly, this was my first time making a video of any sort and I had some problems, hence the choppy framerate and the brief nature. But I have an idea for my next video that will explain a little bit more, so stay tuned.

So I'm not here rambling about a video you've either already seen or since ignored, I figured I'd regale you with a story. You see, this past Tuesday, my friends and I went to a Toledo Mud Hens game after one of them scored free tickets. Now, I'm not a sports fan by any means (besides pro wrestling but does that really count?) but it was nice to get out of the house for something other than work or food and a chance for me to catch the national pasttime live in action for the first time in almost 10 years. Overall, it was a good time.

But I had another reminder of my status in life as we left. As we were all walking to our parking spot, we walked past the famous Tony Packo's by the ballpark and past a group of guys. Obviously, they were pretty drunk from the way they were getting us to "join the party" but we just wanted to go home. Not to mention all of these guys were the weird kind of fratboy/redneck hybrid that seems to be very prevalent across NW Ohio. So we say we're not interested and walk on. As we drive off, I ask my friends that it sounded like they were trying to pick us up as if we were chicks so why didn't they try doing that? Lo and behold, just as we drove past, they had picked up two very fine ladies. I'm not saying I want to be on this show to become a douchebag but hey, they are the ones getting all the girls, am I right? I've always considered myself a man of integrity but I'm getting to the breaking point of investing in some polo shirts with insta-pop collars.

Worse yet, on our drive home, that got some of the guys to talking about their wild college parties and how they could've hooked up with many a beautiful woman. All of that made me feel worse than seeing those girls with someone other than me because it just reminded me of all the things I HAVEN'T done. I've always said that I've spent my life avoiding doing things I would regret, only to regret not doing those very same things. I want to live and that's just something I can't do in this place, whether it's the location of my body or of my headspace. That's why I need to be on this show. I'm almost 25 years old yet I still feel like the same kid in high school who wonders why girls don't notice him. It just feels like there's so much of life that I've missed out on that everyone else seems to take for granted.

I could go on but I don't want to depress anyone. Plus, I may go over some of these things in a video. Or maybe not, I haven't decided.

I know my last blog was all about me trying to be more proactive on this site and being a bigger part of this community of deserving guys...only for me to not do it. I kinda feel like a hypocrite but between work, life (though admittedly I don't have much of one), friends, family and setting a personal record of vomiting (OK, so that was just yesterday), it's been kinda hard to do on here what I need to do.

I promise to have at least one video up soon. I have plenty of ideas but haven't had much of a chance to film one, or at least a successful one. I've found that I'm just as awkward talking about myself in front of a camera as I am in front of a woman so hopefully I'll be able to get over that boundary and show the people here what I'm truly about.

Good luck to all of you! Remember, not one of us deserves this opportunity more than the other. We all deserve it equally. We're all in the same boat.

I figured I'd use this as an opportunity to get the basic info out of the way before I post any videos. My name is Ryan, I am 24 years old and I currently live in Toledo, OH. Right now, I'm living in a two-bedroom apartment with three other guys and trying to make ends meet with a low-paying part-time job. But what else I'm trying to make ends meet with is the game of attraction and, with me, the ends couldn't be any further apart.

Last summer, I finally moved out of my parents' house at the age of 23, away from a small rural town where the only goal in life was to get out while you still can or be stuck there forever. Most of the people I had grown up with had moved away for college, something I should have done. So there really weren't any women my age left in town and if I did want to pick a girl up, I'd have to go to one of the two town bars and hope there's a really drunk girl that would make it easier for her to convince that I'm an awesome guy. Not my idea of fun, to be honest. So I finally got up and moved to Toledo, thinking my social life would get better. Unfortunately, if I want a girl here, I'd have to go to one of eleventy-hundred bars and hope there's a really drunk girl that would make it easier for her to convince I'm an awesome guy. Ah, the more things change...

So what's my problem with women? Oh, let me count the ways. First of all, I'm a bit of an odd duck. Chances are if you are into something, I'm not. And considering my comedic nature, chances are I just may make fun of you for it just to get a few laughs. I don't listen to radio at all, instead I listen to death metal and 80's new way. I hardly go to the theaters at all, instead I opt to watch horribly-dubbed kung-fu flicks and 70's Italian zombie movies. And don't bother asking me a thing about sports. The only sport I'm interested is professional wrestling. So I really don't have a lot in common with many people, let alone women.

On a personal level, I just find it hard to talk to women and always have since high school. I have this odd dichotomy going where if I'm hanging out with a girl that I'm not very interested in beyond being friends, I'm cool, calm, collected, comfortable, cracking jokes and being myself. But then they start liking me more even though I'm not interested. However, when I see some beautiful girl that I want to meet, get to know and go out with, I clam up. Most of the time, I can't even muster up the strength to walk up to her, let alone talk to her. And if I do get to talk to her, either I say something stupid for her to write me off or I just don't say anything at all, out of fear that I'll say something stupid.

Lately, I've found that I really don't act like myself around women, which people tell me is key. The thing with this is that I'm too worried that if I show a girl who I really am, she'll think I'm not worth her time. So I shut up and somehow I come off with having no personality at all!

Of course, the more I get to know a girl, the more that barrier breaks down but that ends up costing me dates as well. You see, the more a girl gets comfortable with me, the more she starts telling me things...like her problems with other guys. Friend Zone, "Nice Guy Syndrome", call it what you will but I'm a permanent member of the club. Seriously. I have a card and everything. Even when I was young, I've found it easier to relate more to women than my fellow man somehow. But in the end, women never see me as this attractive being that they want to get personal with. I'm just some sort of sensitive, caring, non-gential-having ogre of sorts.

As for my relationship history, it's pretty slim. I never had one date in high school. The closest I ever got was dancing with my crush at the time at Senior Prom (ignoring the fact that my actual date was my step-sister). I had my first girlfriend, a girl I worked with, not too long after graduating but that only lasted two months before she broke up with me. Why? I'm not sure. Something about being "too nice". A few years later, I find another girl, who was actually going out with my best-friend but he decided to pass her off to me. Things are going good until, like clockwork, she dumps me for another guy two months later. Why? I'm not sure. Something about being "too nice". Seriously, is that all that they can come up with? It's starting to lend credence to my theory that girls actually want a guy that will treat them like crap. Oh yeah, that last relationship was over four years ago. So really, I've only been with another girl for 4 months of the 24+ years I've been alive. The other 292 months I've spent alone. And yes, I just did the math to make sure that figure was accurate. It's not like I'm doing anything else right now.

So yeah, that's basically the long-winded gist of things. I figured I'd just get that stuff out of the way now instead of doing it in video form as I don't think they'd accept a 37-minute long video of me whining. Even I know that's not very attractive.